Runaway Train
by willshakespeare-immortalbard
Summary: A songfic to Soul Asylum's song Runaway Train.   The night Sirius runs away.   T for sad themes. Please rate and review!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N—Sirius runs away, and stands in a phone booth beside a set of rusted train tracks talking to a dear friend.**

**I don't own **_**Harry Potter**_** or **_**Runaway Train**_**. They belong, respectively, to J.K. Rowling and Soul Asylum.**

**RUNAWAY TRAIN**

The rusted tracks stretched far into the distance, lying abandoned in the dark empty area. No trains had run along them for years. None probably ever would again.

Rain began to fall, and Sirius ducked inside the nearest shelter—a small, rundown phone booth, with an old-fashioned phone hanging precariously on the wall. Sirius hesitated, staring at it, debating whether he ought to do what he so desperately wanted to. He decided to do it, and grabbed the phone, dialing a number that he had never actually called before, though he had it memorized.

_Call you up in the middle of the night..._

The phone rang once. Twice. Three times. Four. Five. Six.

A quick glance at his watch declared the time to be nearly one in the morning. It was hopeless, but he let the phone keep ringing.

_Like a firefly without a light..._

"Hello?" A woman's voice. "May I ask who's speaking?"

"May I speak to Remus?" The words spilled out, and it was only in the silence that followed that Sirius realized that he had ignored the woman's question.

"My name's Sirius Black," he said. "Please, is Remus home?"

The phone clicked, though it still buzzed with static, and muffled voices conversed on the other ends. And then the phone was picked up again.

"Sirius?" Remus sounded so much like his mother, Sirius realized.

_You were there like a blowtorch burning..._

"Sirius, what's wrong?"

"I—" He tried to find the words. "I fought with them, Remus. They were so stuck up, blathering on about _Tojours Pur_, and fighting half-breeds, and about how Voldemort had the right idea, and, Remus, I just lost it. I couldn't take it anymore."

_I was a key that could use a little turning..._

"I broke. I—I yelled at them. Told them—said things I shouldn't have said. Awful things, Remus. I just couldn't stand it anymore. I broke, Remus. I lost it."

There was no answer from the other end.

"I know it's late. But I—I was—"

_So tired that I couldn't even sleep..._

"I—" The words wouldn't come. He couldn't find them, even though they were reverberating throughout his tormented mind, clamoring for release.

_So many secrets I couldn't keep..._

"Remus, I ran."

"You what?" Remus' voice was soft, so soft that Sirius could barely hear it.

"I ran. Away. I ran away."

_Promised myself I wouldn't weep..._

Tears began to course down his cheeks, and he choked on a sob.

"I ran away, Remus. I lost it, and I ran away. I ran away." He kept repeating it, over and over.

_One more promise I couldn't keep..._

On the other end, Sirius heard the phone clatter to the floor, where it buzzed into his ear.

_It seems no one can help me now..._

What had he done? What had he done?

_I'm in too deep, there's no way out..._

Outside, a set of dark figures walked into an alleyway. They didn't look friendly.

_This time I have really led myself astray..._

He slammed the phone back onto the receiver, a strangled sob making his throat ache, and, ripping open the door of the booth, he dashed out into the night.

_Runaway Train, never going back..._

_Wrong way on a one way track..._

_Seems like I should be getting somewhere..._

_Somehow I'm neither here nor there..._

He ended up hiding in an alley, crouched on the ground, leading against a trash bin, counting his money and fingering his wand.

"Sirius?"

Remus stood before him, dressed in a shabby coat, an even shabbier scarf draped about his neck. His eyes were red, and his face was pale.

"Sirius..." Remus lowered himself to the ground.

Sirius buried his face in his hands, and began to cry.

"_Can you help me remember how to smile?_" he whispered into his shaking hands. "_Make it somehow all seem worthwhile..._"

Remus shook his head, tears brimming in his brown eyes. He put an arm around Sirius, but Sirius pushed it away. He hopped to his feet, cursing.

_How on earth did I get so jaded? Life's mysteries seem so faded..._

He had run away from home. He was on his own now.

_ I can go where no one else can go...I know what no one else knows..._

He had run away from home. He had run away. He had run away.

The rain continued to pour. It soaked them both, plastering their hair to their foreheads, masking the tears that both were shedding.

_Here I am just a drownin' in the rain...with a ticket for a runaway train..._

The cold alley was empty save for them and some rats that skittered around, seeking shelter in the discarded food wrappers that lay scattered around.

_And everything seems cut and dried..._

The dark night had never seemed so frightening...

_ Day and night...earth and sky..._

He had run away from home. He had run away. He had run away.

_Somehow I just don't believe it..._

"Sirius..." Remus began, but Sirius cursed again and fled, racing down the street. He knew Remus would follow, but he just needed to run. He had to feel like he was doing something.

_Runaway Train, never going back..._

_Wrong way on a one way track..._

_Seems like I should be getting somewhere..._

_Somehow I'm neither here nor there..._

When he finally stopped, he was standing on the rusted train tracks, all alone, the rain still pouring, making everything seem impossibly dismal.

_Bought a ticket for a Runaway Train..._

A hysterical laugh wrenched itself free of his chest, ringing through the night, bouncing down the deserted tracks.

_Like a mad man laughing at the rain..._

Tears wracked his body, and he laughed and cried, letting his actions sink in...

_ A little out of touch, a little insane..._

"Sirius?" Remus' voice floated towards him, and suddenly a hand gripped his arm. Sirius laughed harder, trying to block out his misery.

_It's just easier than dealing with the pain..._

"I ran away," he sobbed.

_Runaway Train, never going back..._

_Wrong way on a one way track..._

_Seems like I should be getting somewhere..._

_Somehow I'm neither here nor there..._

_Runaway Train, never coming back..._

_Runaway Train, tearing up the track..._

_Runaway Train, burning in my veins..._

The two boys stood alone on the empty tracks.

Sirius had run away from home, run away from everything.

_I run away, but it always seems the same..._


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N—At the request of LunarWerewolf. Many thanks to the two reviewers who enjoyed this story. This is a lot shorter, and not nearly as good. But I gave it my best shot. **

**The disclaimer for **_**Harry Potter**_** has been repeated so many times, and by so many people, that I feel clichéd just saying this, but it must be said, for "the show must go on". So...**

**I don't own **_**Harry Potter**_**. It belongs to J.K. Rowling. Also, I don't own **_**Accidents Can Happen**_**. That belongs to Sixx.A.M.**

**Also, I didn't use the whole song. Just the first verse and the chorus. **

**One more thing; I take requests for friendship fics. You can find a list of fandoms that I write for in my bio. If you have a request, feel free to either PM me or put it in a review and I'll see what I can do.**

**willshakespeare-immortalbard **

**ACCIDENTS CAN HAPPEN**

_ Don't give up..._

Remus swallowed tears as he watched the shaking boy across from him. Sirius had run away. He had run away, and it had broken him.

_It takes a while..._

"Sirius..." he whispered, trying not to cry. "You'll be alright. I—I promise."

_I have seen this look before..._

"Remember last year? When you—?"

Sirius' head snapped up, and he stared at Remus with reddened, glazed eyes.

"When I betrayed you. Just like I betrayed them." He took a deep, shaky breath. "I betrayed them, Remus," he repeated. "I can't stand them, but it doesn't change the fact that I betrayed them. I wasn't...I wasn't..."

"You don't have to say it," Remus told him. "I know. What do you think I feel every full moon? I know."

_And it's all right...You're not alone..._

"We're sort of the same now, aren't we?" Sirius laughed bitterly. "I mean—"

Remus shook his head. "Don't compare yourself to me. Don't."

Sirius nodded numbly, looking back down at his coffee. "What have I done?" he muttered. "I hate this."

_If you don't love this anymore..._

"Saw her today."

"Who?" He already knew the answer.

"My Mum."

Remus swallowed. "What did you do?"

"Ignored her, till she started yelling at me. Calling me names, telling me I'd—I'd betrayed them. Then I cracked. _Again_."

_I hear that you slipped again..._

Sirius cursed loudly, causing a young couple at a nearby table to glare at them. "Remus, I'm an idiot. A bloody idiot."

Remus squeezed Sirius' hand. "No you're not," he said softly. "You're just...I'll be here, Sirius. I promise."

_I'm here 'cause I know you'll need a friend..._

"Sirius..." he continued.

_And you know...that..._

"_Accidents Can Happen_," Remus said firmly, his brown eyes meeting Sirius' grey ones. "_And it's okay...We all fall off the wagon sometimes...It's not your whole life...It's only one day..._"

Sirius bowed his head, burying his face in his hands, shaking with sobs. Remus watched him, crying also.

_You haven't thrown everything away..._


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N—This is for LunarWerewolf, who wanted another chapter.**

**I don't own **_**Harry Potter**_**. J.K. Rowling does. And Meredith Andrews owns **_**You're Not Alone**_**. All I own is the idea, and my writing style.**

**Many thanks to all my readers and reviewers!**

**willshakespeare-immortalbard **

**YOU'RE NOT ALONE**

The streets were covered in snow. Sirius gazed over them, not caring, but needing to do something. He watched as mothers and children played out in the already dirty snow, throwing snowballs, making snowmen and snow angels, or just sitting, cuddled together in the white blanket on the ground.

_I searched for love..._

His mother had never played with him. Not in the snow. Not in the yard. Not before he went to bed, or after he stole a cookie from the cookie jar. He didn't think he could even remember a time when she had smiled at him, or laughed with him. Watching the mothers usher their children in as the sky grew dark—

_When the night came...and it closed in..._

—he wasn't even sure if she'd ever told him that she loved him.

_I was alone..._

Bitter tears seeped out of the corners of his eyes, and he scrubbed at his raw, burning face.

"It wasn't you."

_But you found me where I was hiding..._

Sirius spun around to face Remus.

"Right. I'm supposed to believe that. It was Regulus, right? _Right_? Wrong. It _was _me, Remus."

"No it wasn't. It—Sirius, it was _her_. And, Sirius, this is madness. You can't just—"

_And now I'll never ever be the same..._

Remus curled up on the window seat beside Sirius, and he stared out the window at the encroaching darkness. When he spoke, his voice was thick with tears.

"Breaking up inside, hiding: it doesn't work. We all want it to. But it just...it only works in fairy tales. Sirius..."

_It was the sweetest voice that called my name...saying..._

"_You're not alone..._" Remus whispered. "You have friends. You have me."

_For I am here..._

"We'll help you. Sirius, we _want _to help you."

_Let me wipe away your every fear..._

Sirius stood, pushing Remus' outstretched hand away. He shook his head.

"I don't need help. I don't want help."

Remus rose also, following Sirius as he paced the room, pacing.

_My love, I've never left your side..._

"You know that things will get better," Remus said softly. "Things always get better. You were happy today, Sirius. Don't dwell on horrors when it's dark. It makes them brutally real."

_I have seen you through the darkest night..._

Sirius cursed, spinning around to face Remus.

"Hate to break it to you, but reality is always brutal, and it's always real. That's why it's called cold, hard reality." He stormed from the room, slamming the door behind him with enough force to shake the timbers of the ramshackle house that Remus and his family called home. Remus' heart filled with pity. He couldn't see why his friend was so determined to believe that no one loved him.

_And I'm the one who's loved you all your life..._

He choked on tears, and whispered, "_All of your life..."_

That night, Remus lay awake and listened to the sound of Sirius' ragged sobs.

_You cry yourself to sleep..._

Sirius' words came back to him—_Hate to break it to you, but reality is always brutal_—and he sighed loudly.

_Cause the hurt is real..._

Sirius had been right. It was always brutal, not just when it was dark. Reality hurt all the time.

_And the pain cuts deep..._

There was no hope of reconciliation. Sirius was too bitter, his parents too deeply engrained in their own silly, cruel lives to care.

_All hope seems lost..._

Another cry ripped at the air, and Remus had to muffle his weeping in his pillow as his heart cracked.

_With heartache your closest friend...and everyone else long gone..._

He wiped his eyes and slipped out of bed, crossing to where Sirius lay on a cot, crying.

"_You've had to face the music on your own..._Sirius..._but there is a sweeter song that calls you home..._"

_Saying..._

Sirius didn't fight this time. He accepted the embrace that Remus offered, and the two boys clung to each other, crying—crying for everything that the world had tossed at them.

_You're not alone...for I am here...let me wipe away your ever tear..._

When the sun dawned, they were both still sitting there, with red eyes and noses, not speaking, just trying to hold on.

_My love, I've never left your side...I have seen you though the darkest night..._

"I'm sorry," Sirius murmured. "I've been selfish. Locking myself in, being so self-centered. And with the full moon coming."

"Padfoot," Remus said, the nickname slipping out. "The full moon doesn't matter."

"It does. It matter now more than ever, because they said that it—" he fell silent, but the words were almost palpable. _They said that it didn't_.

Remus hugged Sirius again.

_And I'm the one who's loved you all your life...all of your life..._

"You've been such a good friend, Remus," Sirius said. "_Faithful and true, forever..._"

Remus didn't answer out loud, but in his head, he replied,

_My love will carry you..._

The next week Sirius went to stay with James. Remus didn't speak as Sirius stepped into the grate of green fire. He simply slipped a piece of paper into Sirius' hand.

That night, when Sirius woke crying, and Remus was not there, he finally looked at the note. There, in Remus' small, firm handwriting, were a few lines.

_You're not alone, for I—_

The words stopped for a moment, blurred by water, and then started up again.

_I am here..._

_Let me wipe away your every fear..._

Remus stared out of the window, sitting in the seat where Sirius had sat, and he would have given anything to have been with his friend.

_My love, I've never left your side...I have seen you through the darkest night..._

Sirius' tears dripped onto the paper.

_Your darkest night..._

Together, they whispered out to the world, to all who were hurting, like them,

"_And I'm the one who's loved you all your life..._"

And in a gloomy house, a sorrowful mother burned a gaping char hole into a tapestry, murmuring through her tears,

"_All of your life..._"

**FIN**


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